I never dreamed I would bury my son in a foreign land

My name is Aisha. I was 9 months pregnant and was planning to have a baby soon.  A week before my due date we were told that the Janjaweed will attack our village. So, we decided to leave early. We had to walk by night to avoid being attacked or raped. As I was pregnant my greatest fear was to be killed. I wanted my mother to have a grandson and my son a Grandma. I wanted both of them to be happy as any human being around the world. I was dreaming that my baby one day can become an important leader of our country. He will stop people from running. I wanted him to succeed in his life. I wanted to be a mother of a Sudanese leader.

My baby was born on the road while fleeing the Janjaweed and Sudanese army attacks. That night as we were walking we heard horses coming. I remember how my mother and myself went into hiding. We saw the militia passing. I was scared to death. Suddenly I started sweating, and I had pain almost all over my body. I knew that I would lose the baby. I couldn’t cry or make any sound. I couldn’t move anymore. I stayed there.

My mother couldn’t do anything for me other than watching me struggle between life and death, between death of either me or my baby. The desire of being a mother means having someone who can call me mom was strong enough in me to the point it became a driving force for me to keep a baby and myself alive though the hostile and friendless environment.

After that, I lost the desire to eat or drink. I didn’t want to lose the baby. I could die when I had a thought that he would die. I didn’t dream one day to have a baby and bury him in a foreign land. After having been in labor all night into the early morning, I had a baby. Despite my pain we decided to move onward. In total, we walked thirteen days to reach Bahayi [in Chad].

I wasn’t sure that the baby would survive as he was born in such bad conditions. And, once here in Bahayi, we haven’t had any shelter as you can see. So, since that day my baby has had respiratory problems and cannot sleep at night...(Silence)

Any way, I’m happy that you’ve come to take my picture and that of my baby. I will keep it and show it to him when he will grow up. It will remind him the pain we all went through.